The Beginning of the Great Rebellion 2013

This week 10,000 people rushed to the streets of Castlebar, the capital of Mayo, to show support of the ongoing rebellion. The confirmed devil worshipper and traitor to the Republic of Mayo now dictator, Enda Kenny, ordered the army of Ireland to fire tear gas into the crowd who held signs saying 'Down with this sort of thing'.

Priests showing their support to the Catholic Republic of Mayo at the Mall, Castlebar.

After hours of slaps being thrown with one pair of wellies confirmed to be damaged, the evil army decided to retreat to the now EU owned Dublin. The people of Mayo are now planning to attack an aggressive attack on Dublin. Michael Ring has said his army of 40,000+ soldiers will march upon Ireland's headquarters of Croke Park this Sunday.

The violent scenes in Mayo this week.

                       

A Brief History of Mayo Sports

Mayos hurling record is poor mainly because the technology required to make hurls is not available. However its footballers have been very successful winning every All-Ireland title since 1951, except in 1999 when the team fell foul to a mild dose of smallpox, in 2004 when the Country was too busy celebrating its Independence from the Republic of Ireland five years celebration and in 2006 when the Kerry Team put Laxitives in their tea before the match leaving many of the Mayo Players missing off the pitch for long periods of time. The team used to be managed by a nobody Blue-shirt John O'Mahoney who is from Kilmovee/Ballaghaderreen/Cant decide and who is also a TD. By seizing control of both politics and sport he hoped to eventually take control of the country in a bloody coup as he secretly hates Blue-shirt leader Enda Kenny, brother of the less attractive Kenny from South Park and Pat Kenny who denies he is from Mayo. Among the most prominent players in the county is Conor Mortimer, known for his love of Michael Jackson, his perfect spelling, his safe driving, and his extreme modesty. Other famous players include Willie Joe Padden who struck so much fear into Galwegians that they "hadn't a hope of batein Mayo" and Ciaran McDonald as well known for hid luscious blonde locks as his superb footballing ability.

ROM beginning to take over the world

The ROM cause steps up a gear at The Tour De France yesterday!

 The Republic Of Mayo has made strides in recent weeks in gaining attention towards it's cause. Currently only 40% of countries currently recognise ROM as a country in it's own right including Lapland, Monaco (Due to the Grace Kelly connection), San Marino, Cuba, Kazakhstan and Somalia (Due to the Grace O'Malley connection). International campaigners and celebrities have made the Mayo GAA jersey the symbol of freedom for Mayo. Below we have a gallery of celebrities helping towards the ROM cause. These people also believe that Ballaghaderren is 110% in the ROM not in Rossieland.

Despite the fastest man alive's manager hailing from Donegal. Bolt was smart enough to know what's the best team in Ireland.

The Northern Light's supports the ROM cause.

Mayo cause in London

Olé was held at gunpoint at Father Horan International Airport, Knock to do this stint. Despite a general disliking for Norwegians since the Vikings came to these shores. Mayo-Nordic relations are now at an all time high after Ole agreed to play corner forward for the duration of this years Championship. 

The celeb fad for helping the ROM cause began last Christmas with these bucks, the most famous helpers to the cause so far.

Mayoish language explained

Anglophone vandalism in affect. The speaking of English or any other language is a hangable offence in Gaeltacht areas of the ROM.

"Mayoish" is a strange dialect confusing to outsiders. It consists of a nonsensical string of mispronounced English, occasional words of Irish origin, and some words clearly just made up by the speaker as they go along. A common greeting among speakers is the phrase 'Hows it goin' or alternatively the word 'Well' and 'Schan!'. Another unusual feature of the language is the tendency to add 'een' onto the names of items or creatures to suggest they are diminutive in size; for example 'dogeen', 'houseen', or 'girleen'. Also, a notable characteristic in Mayoish is the tendency to add the letter 'h' to words where unnecessary for example words such as 'shtateside' and 'shkank' . Some areas of Mayo are in the Gaeltacht. In Tourmakeady, Connacht Irish is spoken but in Achill Island and Tourmakeady a bastardised mixture of Connacht Irish and Ulster Irish is spoken just to confuse everyone.

Foxford Baker gains amazing powers at O'Hara's Bakery

The O'Hara's factory where the excitement happened in Foxford.

  A Foxford baker aged in his 30's was involved in an unfortunate work place incident this week. The accident is thought to have taken place in O'Hara's Of Foxford's factory. The male who cannot be named for legal reasons fell into one of the large baking ovens. Despite, temperatures of 60 degrees in the large oven the man survived the shocking temperatures against all odds. A spokesman for O'Hara's of Foxford bakery said "This is incredible news supposedly the man involved in the accident has obtained superpowers. It must have been a high concentration of O'Hara's secret ingredient (which cannot be named for legal reasons, similar to the secret ingredient in Coca Cola) that gave him the powers". The Garda Press Officer released a statement from Garda Commissioner Gordon stating that the Republic Of Mayo authorities have no time for costumed vigilante freaks. We will let you know of any more information we receive. Post your thoughts on our Facebook page to this incident.

One of the men pictured in this photo gained amazing superpowers.

Mid-West Radios link to newborn North West

Mid-west Radio Chief Paul Claffey (originally a Rossie) claims Kanye West and Kim
Kardashian's child North West is actually named after Midwest Radios defunct sister station North West Radio (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_West_Radio). 

Paul Claffey speaking to RoM earlier this week

Mr. Claffey (pictured above) told reporters "I remember the couple used to listen into North-West Radio while holidaying a few years ago in the region. I knew the station had an effect on the infamous couple but I never imagined the influence was that major that they would name their first child after the radio station. Claffey later refused to comment on whether he would be the newborn child's Godfather.

A spokesman for Paddy Power Castlebar told us that "Bets on Claffey becoming the child's Godfather are now suspended. It's now almost a certainty Claffey is North West's Godfather." Remember folks ye heard the news here first!

Mayo Celebrates Ramadan 2K13

All statues of the Virgin Mary throughout The Republic Of Mayo will be covered in the burqa for the entire duration of Ramadan in a bid to not offend the local Islamic community a Mayo County Councillor admitted to us tonight. "This is a stepping stone in the right direction, we want to prove  to the world that Mayo is one Country not afraid of Islam". Ali Abdul Muhaimin-McHale from the group Mayo4Islam applauded Mayo Co Co for this generous offering along with their kindness in giving good Dole handouts and even going as far as making Castlebar Graveyard Muslim friendly by allowing Muslims to bury their dead right on the grounds of Caseys and McDonalds where the water is making direct contact with decomposing bodies. Padraig Nally from Ballinrobe leader of Mayo farmers against minority groups (MFAMG) said "it is a thundering disgrace that Muslims are getting this special treatment despite the fact that they only make up about 0.3% of the entire Mayo population. If they are not careful they might end up like our homosexual and traveller friends." We here at The Republic Of Mayo offices will keep tabs on this developing situation. Shtay tuned folks!